YOU CAN BLOW ME

LUCKY CHARM MARSHMALLOWS

I didn't sign up for this. I didn't ask for THIS to be my creative process. I just started listening outside of my thoughts and to no one around me when I was little. Now I have access to that creative flow at any second.

Now, if you eat my content and captions up like Lucky Charm marshmallows in a world full of bland shapes, floating in a milky world of internet haze, then you'll know I've opened up about how I listen and then design as of late.

It's the magic (or not so magical) thoughts that follow that create the world that I want to make, express, and write about.

ALL THE RAGE

I’ve been rage-designing this last week. Perhaps it’s the surge of PMS hormones or that I feel like I woke the fuck up the last few weeks.

Here’s the deal: I’ve been scared to share this publicly because I strongly believe in NOT being a whiny, complainer who blames everyone around me. But I can’t help ignore how I feel lately: pissed, angry, unsettled, bitter, etc. 

Why? Well, its leveraged on what I woke up to. I live in a world (online and in person) where I’m surrounded by online entrepreneurs. I’ve created it to be this way. I love business and hanging out with people who do too. But more than that, I’ve come to discover that I love hanging out with action takers.

The last few weeks, as I’ve stopped consuming less social media and started creating more in my studio, I’ve somehow defined a wider gap between reality and bullshit that most people are slinging in their online business. I know I’m clumping people together, so I want to be mindful of that. *This isn't meant to be applied toward everyone.

I feel like I was doing the same thing though: slinging bullshit with perfectly thought through articles, howto's, making number lists, etc...

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME

What I’m the most upset about is my own ignorance (which btw is nothing new to me.) See, years ago I had my first 5 figure month (that’s over $10,000 for those who hate bending their mind to determine what those figures are. #same) Anyway, after a record breaking month, I thought it’d be smart to invest INTO my business. Despite being a product based business, I enrolled in high-end programs that were about coaching and services. (Bad decision based on FOMO.)

After you immerse yourself in that world, the allure of creating digital products that could be sold one-to-many is sexy and appealing for someone who has to sit with poor posture, hammering out physical products one by one. Am I living my dream of running my own business? Fuck yes. Do I love the physical issues that follow? Fuck no.

Like a poorly organized religion dishing out Kool-Aid, I chugged it like my life, bank account, value, and self-esteem depended on it.

Until a few weeks ago when I voluntarily turned off all the garbage and bullshit of "This is how you do X" or "The only way to make it in business is if you do X, Y, Z" and I just started making to make again.

GO AHEAD, BLOW MEEEE

So this whole "You can blow me" is in fact totally fitting for all the garbage I've voluntarily held my dinner plate out for like a pre-paid buffet at a mid-western seafood establishment (I don't recommend.)

All the work I'd done up until the point I'd made my first 5 figure month was a result of me doing what I wanted to do. I had fun. I posted to social media when I wanted to. I collaborated with people who had good energy. Yada, yada.

And wouldn't you know it, two weeks ago, when I started designing whatever the fuck came to me creatively, I broke records again. 

MY GIFTS ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS

Nobody can teach me a gift that I've had my entire life.

That's when I finally realized I'm an artist first and business owner second. But back in 2015, I crossed those two wires and it had an effect on my entire life that I'm just now untangling.

Sure, I learned a ton. I met people who've become some of my closest friends who I wouldn't have met otherwise.

Because I had learned how to do so much in my own business like branding, copywriting, photography, website coding, etc., I thought those were the things that I could offer to make more money and scale. Instead, those things took away from where I was most potent and powerful. My Zone of Genius? Maybe. No, probably. 

My creative jewelry and writing process is where I'm untouchable.

My designs and words come through me in a way that makes me feel like I didn't touch them at all. I'm only the messenger.

I never felt that way through my client work. (Which by the way, I'll no longer be offering.)

OWN YOUR SHIT

As I mentioned earlier, I don't like complaining, but more specifically I don't like complaining without an attempt at finding a solution.

In this case, it would be easy to blame others for my own derailment of my creativity and finances. 

But... I chose all that. I chose to purchase those courses. I chose to feel inadequate and look outside me to fill that in. I chose to believe that my creative flow wouldn't be enough to sustain my business and life.

There are a handful of lessons in this story, at least for me.

The most important one is that I'm responsible. Having that level of ownership always puts the power back in my hands.

And from what I've experienced, this is true empowerment.

*There are at least two solid women I've followed for years who've had a direct impact on my life through their digital courses and content. Their message has always been consistent and natural.